Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login


They’re little more than sayings here
But I’ll say them to be sure
Nothing is how it would appear,
Take care what you wish for
If it’s escapade or a silly game
That you’re seeking from within
To send Mother dear you fear insane
Your chances aren’t too slim
Because unlike any town or place
That you’ve been to before
There’s so much more than time to waste
In the land of Il Anor

It’s still a mystery in its own
To obtain what you adore
Yet few venture the burning sands unknown
For the land of Il Anor

It answers to a desperate prayer,
To the daring who’d believe
In finding hope in a desert bare
By mirages that deceive
It’s when you quest for the lonely truth
Through the rolling dunes and heat
Where the only hope is in your youth
And the will still in your feet
To pray for more than rocks and sands
In that hopeless, barren plain
To feel more than your shaking hands
More than the burning pain

It would race to you in a chilly breeze
That relieves your tortured soul
Where air would let your body ease
And regain your self control
You’d forget about miscounted days
And hours of endless trudge
Under flaming heat that has its ways
And seems to be your judge

You’d slip through fire into ice
Let body and soul depart
Nothing more could close suffice
Sought treasure in your heart
How could I know this place well sought?
If I can not recall
The blissful lure of desired thought:
Or the deserts seldom fall

Some things known are left but vague
Best think like that some more,
The sense of science would be a plague
In the land of Il Anor

Now find yourself in a perfect place
Where there’s no such thing as flaw
The sanctified world of the human race:
The land of Il Anor
I call Il Anor “The Perfect Place”
But I’m not the only one
Reflect the query to a thoughtful face
That’s welcomed all that’s come

There’s one question that you shouldn’t ask
And was second to those I met
“What does Il Anor look like my friend?
So that I may not forget.”
And every person that I asked
Answered a different way
And for every smile that was unmasked
So too my own dismay

Some described an inner peace
Or ruled the largest lands
A Verbally painted masterpiece
Carved by more than hands
Fantasies and horror shows
Quests of a different kind
Dizzying highs and dismal lows
Realities of the mind

The question third at the door
Is why’d I ask the last?
I’ve obviously been to Il Anor
Somewhere in my past
How else would I enjoy utopias?
If none know how to leave
Am I suffering myopias?
This harder to believe

I’ll push questions aside for you
And give you questions more
About how I met people new
From the world of Il Anor

It was in a place with a stupid name
Where the air smelt just like smoke
The people there immune to shame
From businessman to bloke
The men were laughing or playing darts
Around tables and mugs of beer
Branding cards of spades and hearts
Spoke words of joke and cheer
I found myself in that happy scene
A jungle of social danger
Beckoning me to sit in between
An old man and a stranger
Introduced to the sea of faces
Forgot most of their names
But I remembered all those places
Past the solar flames

There was one amongst the crowd
That appealed to us for calm
Enticed us all with his voice aloud
And put neatly in his palm
He was a thief, a cunning mind
Hands quicker than a snake
He’d found all that you’d like to find
Most begging in his wake
His story was well rehearsed of course
He’d told it times before
He’d recite til his voice grew hoarse
About the land of Il Anor
Ok i'm going to be honest,
this is the longest and the hardest thing i've ever written
I used a double rhyming scheme and tried my very best to make sure the rhythm flowed.

What is Il Anor?
Your curiosity led you this far, you're a mouse drag away

this is the introduction to the story.

*EDIT* added three more stanza's so it can lead into the next part, sorry about that guys >_<

other parts of the story:

Il Anor II: [link]

Il Anor III: [link]

Enjoy or don't

Jaz
Add a Comment:
 
:icongarnet-43:
Garnet-43 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2006
Most excellent double rhyme scheme accomplishment!! :clap:

The last two stanzas- where you start the story- are fantastic.

The first part- where you introduce the land of Il Anor in a vague and subtle way, could possibly do with a little distillation. The double rhyme scheme does not work as well with figurative, fanciful thoughts as it does with stories.

On to the next chapter....
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2006   Writer
i'm actually considering changing the rhyming scheme for the actual story, and devoting the double for flash backs and stories that happened or occured in the past, thank you for the insight ^_^

i'm glad you've read on aswell :thumbsup:
Reply
:icongarnet-43:
Garnet-43 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2006
The idea of mixing rhyme scheme is a good one, I think. It would add depth to the poem(s), and allow you a little more freedom in telling the story.
Reply
:iconjyesunmin:
jyesunmin Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2006
can see why it was hard to write. amazing rhyming! amazing description! great job, dude!
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner May 18, 2006   Writer
thankyou ^_^ you use kind words :D
I hope you enjoy the rest of it aswell :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconlotalara:
lotalara Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2006
woah thats a good poem, long too........took me 20 mins to read. :nod:
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2006   Writer
:XD:
glad you stuck it through, thanks for the comment
Reply
:iconbeautifullywasted:
BeautifullyWasted Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006
It's an interesting story. The land of Il Anor sounds like a magical place, but in a sense to me it reperesents where people want to be in life. The rhyming scheme makes it flow smoothly. Doesn't seem as long as it actually is. Very talented work. =D
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006   Writer
thank you!
It is what they truly want, nice analysis there.
I'm glad you enjoyed it :D
thats all i need to know to write more.
Reply
:iconamber-m-forrester:
Amber-M-Forrester Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2006
I prefer this over the Dragon's Gold trilogy; the rhyming scheme works better and flows more naturally over here. It seems to lag and drag in some parts, though maybe that's just me... usually a mass collection of words doesn't appeal unless every line can really pull you in. (Queenselphie, whom I favorited in my webpage, really has that gift).

Here, so far so good. For some reason I'm thinking 'Hotel California'. :D
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2006   Writer
An improvement :)
the beginning is a little slow, but thats the same with anything.
I'll be sure to have a look at Queenselphie and thankyou for your opinion.
Reply
:iconanimegirlmika:
AnimeGirlMika Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2006  Professional General Artist
Wow, those last few lines were great! Poems that are able to bring you full circle at the end always tend to be more memorable, since they bring you back to the beginning of what you might otherwise forget. I know you must have spent a long time getting the rhying down so well, so I must commend you! I believe that there is not enough rhyming poetry these days, since "freestyle" caters to the lazy side of wannabe poets. I love rhyming poetry the most =3 Something very amazing about this was the line where you are commanded to picture a "perfect place". For me, a vision of green forest at the base of mountins popped up instantly. But the best part was not me being able to imagine a perfect place, but the way that you were able to know, if you will, what my perfect place was, that it would be different from anyone else's.

If you continue with your work like this, I know you are going to get very far in the literary world! Keep it up, we are waiting for a good poet~
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2006   Writer
It's very hard to reply to a comment that flatters you like that.

I've always had that belief with perfection, that a universal perfection is a lie. There is much more to come with this poem i'm not finishing it with a stupid ending, and i'm no where near that anyway, the rhyming does take a while but its worth it to see a finished product.

I'd love for you to stick around and see the story through, i don't believe there is enough rhyming poetry around either so i'm trying to add to DA in that regard.
thankyou so much for the encouragement, who knows what the future brings.
Reply
:iconanimegirlmika:
AnimeGirlMika Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2006  Professional General Artist
Don't worry, it is not so much flattery if the person sending it is truly sincere! I will certainly be looking forward to your next installment =3
Reply
:iconrobino:
Robino Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
Very good poem, it's an awesome story! Double rhyming scheme is what I use myself too in almost every poem, but I think you made a right choice here using that scheme in story kind of poetry it's the best one! Great job on letting it flow and really good imagination I must say! I was watching Kingdom of Heaven yesterday night and this poem reminded me of it! Very good job!
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006   Writer
the rhyming cheme is challenging, but so worth the while.
you'de know that the more it rhymes the more it flows, and stories have to flow right?
otherwise people can't read them properly :XD:
thanks for the insight man
Reply
:iconshikaz:
Shikaz Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
i am not good at poems but i still like it
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006   Writer
:XD: good to hear, thanks for commenting
Reply
:iconustion:
ustion Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006  Student
This poem is amazing. I luv the way you have described everything, it really puts pictures into my head ^_^ Great stuff Jaz! Cant wait to read the rest!
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006   Writer
thanks Juz, i can always rely on you to comment on my stuff.
i never really thanked you properly for that.

:worship: thanks
Reply
:iconustion:
ustion Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006  Student
:) no problem Jaz any time, Thats what friends do :P
Reply
:iconashicoolgal:
ashicoolgal Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2006
go jarryd
go jarryd
WOOT WOOT!!!
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006   Writer
lol gotta love support :XD:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconjazblack009: More from jazblack009



More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 11, 2006
File Size
4.2 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
416
Favourites
4 (who?)
Comments
23
×