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Slice of Earth

She moans and cries and slowly dies, in the arms of a lonely stranger
That boy as well thinks heís in hell, nothing now can save her.
She woke up that day in a different way to that of any other
Destruction bloomed with people doomed, sheís crying for her mother.
The Seaís attack made him lose track of how long she had wailed
The wave had blown, tossed and thrown, left the girl impaled.
So he tried his best, put heart to test, freed her from that place
As her cries ceased soul left to peace, tears ran down his face.

And for all around, from sky to ground you can feel their pain
Hear those sounds in demolished grounds, nations scarred and slain.
Cars left in trees, boats under seas, homes torn and swept away
Of all Iíve read, No place has bled, like that slice of Earth that day.
It lined the streets of lost heart beats, a place of death and gore
He cried so shrill and wept until, he could mourn for them no more.
It had been so fast, turned into past, swept right through the land
What had remained, left the people pained, most could barely stand.

There are wrecked hotels and ghastly smells, life itself has drowned
Under debris, the ears can see people trapped underground.
Swept into cracks, of tsunami acts children hushed by water
The boy still lingers counts on fingers visions of the slaughter.
I sit at home and feel less alone than I did not long ago
I look at that guy, looking at the sky, all on my TV show.
More than he seems: me in my dreams, Iím there in that place
So when I awake my hands still shake sweat beaded on my face

Nightmare at most, just a ghost of what might have been disaster
So I get out of bed my mind instead focused on a shower,
But when the water runs, it feels like tons, can I trust it still?
I close my eyes, my ears, their cries and feel the water spill,
Cold and wet, I canít forget the feelings of that illusion,
I smell the stench, feel myself wrench left in my confusion.
So I get dressed dry and depressed go out turn on TV
Hands are blurs theyíre just like hers, the reporter that I see.

Quakeís death toll out of control sweeps across southern Asia
Sorrow of man starts from Thailand and flows out to Malaysia
Shanít sleep again, or destruction pend, I only see the bloodshed
With eyes shut and wide, pictures confide into eyelids instead
Six digits there, for cash you spare, start another birth
To un-desolate and recreate that ill-fated slice of earth
Bands will play, time melts away, and millions will be funded
Send money bricks, stones and sticks disasters plan be plundered!

I stare appalled; at what they called the catastrophe of the ages
Something retold, that canít get old, printed on histories pages
I remember me, in that sorry scene, bags with plastic guises
News tells the world, bout orphaned girls of all shapes and sizes
So I turn on Word and from all Iíve heard write about the lot
Theyíll get my gift, help buildings lift, while this poem will rot
I just donít care, these words Iíll spare more than Iíd spare change
One day theyíll see, this thing from me, they might not feel that strange
Itís a hope of mine; less defined then millions of dollars there
These words will weep and dreams will keep all the things I spare

From the Mind Of Jarryd Williams
This is a poem about the tsunami that struck indonesia.
Yeh i wasn't there, but i watched the news.
i made this to submit as an entry for a competition.
they didn't recieve the poem...
karma or bad luck? ironically thats what the tsunami victims asked themselves.

I would appretiate an honest crtique on this and would be happy to critique other poetry that rhymes.
i believe expression through rhyme is an achievement because for some it resticts thier choice of words. amd forces them to manipulate thier writing.
yes, because i think weird.
-end

Jaz
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:iconh0tlipz:
h0tlipz Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2006
I love your poem, it means so much to me..
It makes me feel like there's someone out there, still caring about what happened.
My family and I were there, we all survived. But still I feel like I should be dead now.
It shouldn't be possible to live THAT near the beach, and don't get killed by that wave.
but anyways..
Thank you for the lovely poem : )
Reply
:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2006   Writer
I don't know what to say...
it must have been hell on that beach, the fact you and your family survived such a thing as well is extrodinary.
your comment makes this poem worth writing. I hope you and your family run into some better fortune in the future.
thank you for reading this.
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:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
I had to think about this a few times and read it again, my first reaction was sadness...and then a sort of peace... beautifully stated :heart:
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:iconxpfpx:
xPFPx Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2006
Wow, lot of emotion although I feel the rhyme slightly detracts from that I know alot of other people have commented on liking it but personaly I find it a little bit repetitive where the events are so seperated and need there own attention. Really well written though and great discriptions.
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2007   Writer
Thanks for voicing your concerns, constructive criticism is always welcomed ^_^
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:iconstiletto--love:
stiletto--love Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2006   Writer
This is grotesquely accurate (as a third personís view could be). Your words and images are honest and horribly sad. This whole subject is so sad and depressing. I donít even wish to be able to feel for a second how the victims of the tsunami feel. even so, your poem touched me quite deeply and itís too bad it didnít make it into the contest. Iím sure there are other contests out there you could win with this piece. you are very consistent with your rhymes and images, flowing and blending well together. incredibly effective and powerful piece. amazing work.
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2006   Writer
Thank you :worship:
ah the contest, i may try out this year anyway, i would like to see how i go.
but thank you so much for all the compliments,
its hard to remain humble when someone says that about what you write.
Reply
:iconmesondecay:
mesondecay Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006
Really good stuff. You manage to tell a detailed and emotional story whilst rhyming, and make it sound so natural. There's not a hint anywhere of a word being just placed there because it rhymes. The flow is great, and and I love the way your poetry is like someone telling a story or speaking freely, rather than a forced rhyme. Impressive! :thumbsup:
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2006   Writer
Always an honor to impress a reader
Most of my other poetry is narrative so i suppose thats where my style lies.
thank you for your opinion!
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:iconamber-m-forrester:
Amber-M-Forrester Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2006
Only northern Malaysia got the tsunami's effects, I live in the south. But seeing the televised footage so close to home was yes, horrendous.
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:iconamber-m-forrester:
Amber-M-Forrester Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2006
This is a very lovely poem from an emotional and critical point of view. Good job indeed. The poem doesn't run completely smoothly, and seems to stop and stagger at times, but it's okay. What matters more is the impact and - yes - visual imagery that accompanies it. Great work.

And I live in Malaysia by the way. :)
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2006   Writer
Thank you!
Did the tsunami didn't affect you that badly, thank you again for the advice and compliments.
Reply
:iconlady-deathrose:
lady-deathrose Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's been a while since, but this still touches me. Takes me back a long way. I wasn't there either, but 'thanks' to my field of work, I had some acquiantances who were there... and some never came back... But it is good to look at the world with such open eyes, it is easier now, and not so painful anymore. But you capture the moment, the pain, the emotion, the feeling of helplessness. This really draws you in and it is almost crushing, somehow, in sense, more close to it than all those news coverages were. Also, for the rhyming, it's really really nice, on lines' end and inside the lines, (internal rhyming, whatever it is called...?) I think that is very well done! This has touched me deeply. This is very intense. :+fav:
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2006   Writer
wow, what a comment.
i'm glad the words are doing thier jobs, and you were touched the way you were.
Sad things like that deserve to be recognised.

thanks for your insight
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:iconlady-deathrose:
lady-deathrose Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're most welcome :)
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:iconmerrick-meridian:
Merrick-Meridian Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2006
This is a lovely poem, it took me back for a moment when I first saw all those tragic images on the news coverage of the tsunami. Very sad indeed, I find you have captured that moment here with your poem excellently. I also agree, I could picture this at the end of a documentary for the tsunami, being read with and ending with pictures of tradgedy & hope at the end. Because there is always hope in the end. :rose:
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2006   Writer
In Australia, reports were on non stop, it was possible to forget some of the things you saw.
It makes you feel helpless, writing is good like that.
I would be that honored if some one decided to read this out in a documentary.
thank you for the comment ^_^
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:iconhiddenregret:
hiddenregret Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2006
This is really amaxing and i admire you for looking at the world with such open eyes.I think this sis soemthing which is taken for granted...it should be read in a doicumentary on world disasters while images are shown of the destruction
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2006   Writer
thank you! a documentary... you think?
who knows what the future brings...
thanks again for the opinion.
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:iconhiddenregret:
hiddenregret Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2006
no problem..you desreve a lot more recognition for what you wrote..you have a great understanding
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:iconrobino:
Robino Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
Woooh that's awesome, how unselfish to write about this, respect for that. Not a love or depressing poem for a change, but Reality! Great rhyme and rhythm, intense tempo! Just a great poem this is really well done!
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2006   Writer
Reality is a hard subject to write on sometimes.
But something like that, what else can you do?

thank you for your point of view, its appretiated.
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:iconlarroney:
larroney Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2006  Student Writer
I love how consistently you keep to the rhyme scheme...and the internal rhyming is superb!! This is a work of genius, a work of someone who really cares, and it really shows...brilliant!
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2006   Writer
thank you! the internal rhyming came about because of the line limitation to the competition,
and turned out to suite the poem anyway.
I'm glad you felt what i was trying to express.

Thanks again.
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:iconxivanari:
Xivanari Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2006
I sat staring at this for minutes after I finished reading it. :wow: wow. Just absolute shock. The poem first takes me to a third person view of the suffering of the children over there, and it touched me deeply and closely, closer than any news story. Then your second stanza brought me back out of that situation, and took a large omnicient perspective to the desctruction, and it hit me again how terrible that day had been. From there you led me into your own perspective, first person, and I was awed and shocked and how well a job you did using vocabulary to illustrate events and thoughts. For many moments there I had a perfect clear image of you in the situations you described, could feel as though upon myself the water from that shower weighed. This is brilliant, amazingly well done. Truly a tribute to everything about that event - the suffering, the horror, the magnitude of the whole event, and the feelings of helplessness and uselessness that you felt. I felt them too.

I wrote my own piece about this subject, it touched me closely. I had wanted to move to Thailand the summer after this happenned, and my plans all went to shit because of it. My loss cannot even be called a loss though after what happenned. Here's my poem, tackling only the first person aspects of the disaster. [link]
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2006   Writer
It really was a tragic thing wasn't it, and it affects you on so many levels.
So that's what inspired the structure for the poem, i'm glad you enjoyed it as thorougly as you did.
you have such an attention to detail, i look forward to reading your poetry on the event.
I'm sorry your plans went to the crap, lucky you didn't try to get there earlier huh?

again thankyou very much, you opinion is valued.

Jaz
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:iconororo-lebeau:
ororo-lebeau Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2006
Wow. I really, really like this poem! The rhythm... The rhyme... Wow. Awesome job. Too bad it didn't make it to the contest you had tried to enter.
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:iconjazblack009:
jazblack009 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2006   Writer
Yeah i know, but theres always this year, i may be too old for it though. :(
still thank you for your opinion, i'm glad you liked it.
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